Playing in Someone Else's DollHouse

     My sisters love to ski. Their husbands love to ski. My nieces and nephew love to ski. Me? I'm lukewarm about it, at best. My husband enjoys snowboarding, but not enough right now to do it more than a couple of times per year. And because we're not very enthusiastic about the sport, our 5-year-old son has the same response. Despite this, we still look forward to our annual family ski trip to Park City, UT. It's a 4 or 5 day vacation where the cousins get to know each other again and play, and the adults eat (quite well I might add as my sister is an astonishing cook) and drink, and drink, and drink. This year, I decided beforehand that I was only going to ski (ie. fall down a lot) only once, and use the rest of my time to take classes at Studio Soiree in Salt Lake City.

     Several days before the trip, I checked out the Studio Soiree website to see what their schedule looked like. I had seen some Soiree girls at Jamilla Deville’s workshop in Vegas three years back and was astonished by their strength and dedication, so I knew that Studio Soiree wasn’t one of those places that only taught girls to pose against the pole.

     I was pleasantly surprised to see that they offer a class in Park City at Park City Yoga, but unfortunately it was not during the days of our ski trip.  Salt Lake City is about 35 minutes or so from Park City and I was so excited about taking a pole class from a new teacher that the distance wasn’t an issue. I was determined to make use of my limited time there so I chose three classes: Intermediate Pole Dance Fitness, Open Soiree, and Intermediate Fundamentals. I was particularly looking forward to the last two classes as they were taught by Lizz, the founder of Studio Soiree. I had heard many wonderful things about her. Their online web scheduler wouldn’t allow me, as a new student of the studio, to register for an intermediate level class, so I ended up calling Studio Soiree and speaking with a very nice person who overrode the system and made the reservations.

     The day the three families arrived at the rental house in Park City, Bean jumped off the upper level of the bunk bed and hurt his foot. Dr Sister’s diagnosis was most likely some soft tissue damage with a tiny possibility of a hairline fracture. Lawyer Sister stood on hand in case we needed legal advice (just joking!). Bean’s ski trip was over. And so was my eagerly awaited sojourn to Studio Soiree. The kids were supposed to attend ski school from 9am to 3:30pm while the grown ups had the whole day to ski or ride. Since Bean couldn’t ski, someone had to stay with him at home.

     Bean’s situation had not improved by the morning so I went about frantically trying to cancel my class reservations. On the Studio Soiree website, they recommend sending an email rather than calling, so to cover my bases, I called as well as emailed. I explained to them what had happened, apologized profusely and asked that someone please call me back so I could give them my credit card over the phone to pay for those three late-cancels. About an hour later, Lizz called me. She was sympathetic; she kindly asked about my son; she told me that she appreciated the fact that I made several attempts to cancel; she absolutely REFUSED to accept my credit card information; and then asked if I would be interested in attending class the following day. So basically, not only did I inadvertently screw them over, they actually invited me to come into their studio. Was this a Utah thing? I mean, I did read somewhere that Utahans were overall the happiest people in the nation…

     Despite planning on getting to SLC with over an hour to spare, I ended up walking 8 blocks in the wrong direction and ran into the studio at 12 noon on the dot. I breathlessly asked if I could take care of my payment at the end of class because I was already late. The sweet woman at the desk (who turned out to be Lizz) reassured me that I wasn’t late and that, of course I could. I walked into the packed pole room and proceeded to get my butt kicked by the amazing Lorinda.

     Lorinda is a woman who commands the space around her. It’s not only her beauty or her strength or her sense of humor (all of which are quite formidable), but it’s the fact that somehow, you can tell that she actually cares about you. She made me, the new girl, feel right at home. I remember one time she laughed at me laughing at myself, which of course, made me laugh even more. Her class was extremely challenging and there were plenty of elements that I’m still trying to work through.

     After class, I thanked Lorinda for the amazing class and when she asked me where I came from, I told her about DollHouse Pole Studio. She and Lizz comp-ed my class, gave me their email addresses and sincerely urged me to contact them if ever I had any questions about the business of running a studio. Lizz is the one of the founders of The Pole Fitness Association and one of her missions is to unite and empower studio owners. She is smart and savvy and truly understands the joys and the rigors of being involved in the pole community.

     I have never felt more welcome at any pole studio than I did at Studio Soiree. Lizz and Lorinda taught me that it’s possible to be graceful and compassionate yet still run a successful business. Their students are fiercely loyal and devoted to the art of pole. It seems that they’ve created a sense of friendship and sisterhood that has given the studio a unique personality. I can only hope that DollHouse will blossom in a similar way. I have the hopeful feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Dolls & Choices

It’s been over three weeks since I last blogged. In some ways it feels like it’s been forever and in other ways it seems as if I just blinked my eyes.

The studio is seriously on its way. And I mean seriously! We’ve primed and painted, we’ve mapped out where we want to set up the poles, Mr. J and Husband are installing the flooring as I write these words, and I just found out that Miss M put in the order for the poles. Holy moly—I guess this is really happening!

While it hasn’t been a painless path, it does certainly seem that the Universe is holding my hand and skipping me down the road.  Everything just makes sense. When I’ve made choices that weren’t right for me, the struggle was endless. I’ve been with “bad” boyfriends for years, and although I don’t have many regrets, I look back at all that angst and wish I could have slapped myself awake. I’ve stayed at horrible jobs and spent every afternoon dreading going to work later that night. I’ve even temporarily put Bean into a school that I was apprehensive about, and for 6 months had to endure total chaos and lack of discipline. As soon as I remedied myself of those situations, the anxiety miraculously fell away and life was lovely again.

It is my honest belief that the Universe only wants the best for each and every one of us. All the signposts are there to lead us in the right direction. When we are wise enough to see and silent enough to listen, we’ll find that it’s all laid out for us—that all we have to do is take the first step. But when we go against what is actually the most constructive thing for us, we start running into issues that often hurt, and more than likely forces us back to square one. That’s okay, too. We’ve all been there, probably more often than we’d like. The best thing about going back to the proverbial drawing board is that it gives us the opportunity to start renewed and refreshed.  And that is exactly where the Universe is hoping to find us so it can flash us another user-friendly map.           

I don’t want to sound all esoteric and new-agey on you, so I’ll put it into pretty plain language: listen to your gut and trust your instincts. The Universe is on your side. Examine what’s in your heart and act upon your findings. Follow your bliss and respect yourself and others. Life is so much easier that way.

A Doll's Realization

I thought I'd be hung over for sure. Maybe even still drunk when I woke up. But honestly...nothing. You don't get hung over when you don't drink, and that's exactly what I did. I didn't drink to celebrate the signing of the lease and the handing over of the keys. To be honest, all I wanted to do was run like the wind out of there.

I was excited enough walking in there, with my pen ready and the LLC's checkbook in my bag. I had already exchanged a few emails with Miss M earlier that morning and we laughed about how we were both giddy with butterflies. Miss M and her husband, Mr J, were already there when Husband and I arrived. We all walked around the studio taking measurements and imagining what the space could eventually look like. Landlord and the men discussed the demolition and the more technical aspects, while Miss M and I talked colors and motif. I even made Miss M pose with the deposit check while I took pictures on my cellphone. I think my adrenaline peaked when we tested out the keys that Landlord handed to us.

When Landlord left with the check secure in his pocket, the little whispers of doubt began caressing my head. Had I made a mistake? Would I go down in financial flames? What if Miss M decided she wanted out? What if I wasn't good enough? What if we threw a party and no one came???? This is why I was an independent contractor for so long: I could come in, teach my class, and then leave. I wasn't involved with the day-to-day business side of things; I wasn't responsible for anything other than teaching a good, quality class. My stomach tightened and I fought the urge to sink down to the ground in fetal position.

Fear of failure is a laughable concept to someone who was never expected to succeed much in life. But fear of success is a real bitch. I think what scares me silly is that DollHouse Pole Studio really has a chance to make it. I'm not talking about world domination (although one can only hope...) but I'd be thrilled with creating classes that might inspire women to find their own power. And Boulder is ripe for the experience. My old friend, Bootsie, once said "if you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always gotten." Well, what I've always gotten doesn't seem very fulfilling anymore. I've always played it safe with the comfortable net of failure to catch me. So with that in mind, it's time to pull my head out of the sand and take a risk. I could run frantically after Landlord, rip up the check and dissolve my partnership with Miss M, or I could grow up and see where this ride is going to take me.

I sat down on the floor of the soon-to-be DollHouse Pole Studio with Miss M to calculate the days until a Grand Opening.

Dolls in Space

It is said that nature abhors a vacuum. If so, nature must have been extremely annoyed with me these past few years and recently sent me an avalanche as a retort!

It all happened so fast: Miss M and I decide to open a pole dance studio, we form our business, we take a class at SBDC, we look at properties, we're discouraged by said properties in relation to the asking prices, brokers don't return calls or are plain rude, and then, boom, we found it--a great spot with a rent that could not possibly be beat. We are thrilled, we are nervous, we are giddy, we are apprehensive. Every emotion on the chart ran through us in the course of a week. And then we got down to business.

Four revisions of the Letter of Intent later, our Commercial Real Agent (CRA, for short) sent us a lease. Miss M and I were flabbergasted. It was a simple document of nine pages but we poked it gingerly, as if it were a bomb ready to detonate at any minute. Perhaps this was the influence of SBDC Lawyer. She scared the bejeezus out of us and rammed a fear of the IRS and the Bar Association down our trembling throats. Surely we were not capable of signing a lease until a legal professional picked it over with a fine-tooth comb! So we sent it off to a legal service and crossed our fingers that whomever it was assigned wore a skirt longer than Ally McBeal. In the meantime Landlord was literally drumming his fingers on the table. There was nothing to do but wait to hear back from the legal people. We thought we'd be productive and go get our business license from the City of Boulder and also see what we'd need to do in terms of permitting and zoning. Oy, what a headache.

We learned from the Permitting office that we'd need to do X, Y, Z and that we'd need a licensed Contractor or a registered Architect to stamp the work. It was a harsh hour of building codes and mechanical codes, and occupancy loads. In all actuality, the information was harsh, but the permitting guys were a blast. They got a particular kick out of picturing men pole dancing. I'm not sure what they were seeing, but they both turned three shades of red each. Miss M and I left there with our heads spinning but with a fairly clear idea of how to proceed. It was going to be a ton of paperwork, dotting i's and crossing t's, as well as a bigger build-out than we had anticipated.

Yesterday was when the avalanche really starting gaining momentum. We unexpectedly got an appointment with SBDC Lawyer (it was offered for free for anyone who took the class) and while I'm pretty illiterate in legalese, I think she indicated that we were definitely on the right track with the work we've already done and she seemed pleased with the questions we were asking. She generously gave us two hours pro bono and we couldn't have been more grateful to her. Then the legal people called and said that we were in good shape with the lease. Then CRA called to ask whether we were ready to sign (not too subtle there, CRA). Then we contacted Landlord to make an appointment with him for tomorrow to sign the lease and exchange the deposit check for keys. Then we ran to the bank to establish our brand new business account.

Last night I was numb. For three hours after Son went to bed, my mind was buzzing but in a really nebulous way. I couldn't focus on anything but I couldn't quite relax either. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant.

If avalanches are the result of pursing your dream, I'm happy to be buried temporarily.

We're signing the lease today at 1:00pm!

Building a DollHouse: Blueprints

As a first generation American, the third child of immigrants, many ideas were drilled into my head. The three most, shall we say "constructive", ones are: 1) be your own boss and own your own business (although being a physician in a hospital was allowed), 2) if you must borrow money, better to do so from family than from a bank, and 3) own your house free and clear and nobody can take it away from you. Despite some other more colorful world-views, these three concept still ring true after all these years.

I've always wanted to own my own studio whether it was dance, Yoga, or Gyrotonic®. I've worked as an independent contractor in so many of them, I thought that it was high time to strike out on my own. In 2010, I decided that I would open a pole dance studio. The only problem was: where? We were living in Santa Fe, NM, knew we weren't going to stay, and we were trying to decide where we wanted to put down some roots. Aha! Boulder, CO! There was lots of hiking, we all loved the mountains, there are roughly 300 days of sunshine, the public school systems were excellent, and maybe best yet, the market for pole fitness was virtually untapped.

And then I hooked up with Miss M! She is a dynamo of a woman, with super duper brains, the body of a goddess and the face of a model. She shares my vision of creating a space for women to discover their self power through the funnest medium we know: pole dancing. Miss M and I are a great fit for one another. Areas in which I'm weak, she's strong, and vice versa. I think this is going to be a beautiful partnership.

Now all we need is space...